The Secret to Self-Care: Give Yourself Permission

Is self-care something you put on the back burner? Do you promise yourself that you’ll get to it later … but somehow “later” always seems to be usurped by something you deem more urgent?

While self-care eludes many, it’s essential to everyone, men and women alike. Especially now, as we navigate an unprecedented set of global — and personal — challenges.

The solution might be simpler than you realize: Give yourself permission.

Many of our clients tell us that self-care feels indulgent, especially while they’re in the middle of a job search: “How can I allow myself to nap / take a walk / listen to a podcast / (fill-in-the-blank) when I should be using my time more productively?”

We don’t view self-care as indulgent; rather, it’s non-negotiable. When you take time for self-care, you get the chance to refresh and see things differently. Your head is going to be more in the job-hunt game after you take a break than if you don’t. An ounce of self-care is far more productive than a pound of self-reproach.

Learn to Flex Your Self-Care Muscle

Imagine a phone call with a close friend who’s been burning the candle at both ends. Chances are, you’d advise your friend to take it easy. To relax and recharge. To find some “me-time.”

Would you offer yourself the same advice? For many, it’s easier to be compassionate toward others than to demonstrate self-compassion.

Your inability to give yourself permission for self-care could be a result of the messages around self-care you heard or received while growing up: Don’t be selfish. Don’t be indulgent. Self-care is a reward you need to earn; it comes after taking care of everyone and everything else.

As an adult, you get to rewrite those (misguided) messages. Give yourself permission to flex — and build — your self-care muscle.

Take the Four-Day Self-Care Challenge

We know that it takes a while to build a new habit. But sometimes, you need a dose of self-care now.

Recently, one of our clients was nearing burnout as he persevered through an intense job search. Even though he was doing all the right things, his search had stalled. Exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed, he needed a break. We challenged him to take his job search off his plate for four full days and to spend those days doing things that felt nurturing and healing.

After the four days, he returned to his job search with renewed energy and enthusiasm, along with a commitment to practice self-care, including a daily morning jog.

When self-care has always been relegated to a back burner, it may feel very foreign to you. Challenge yourself to stick with it (whatever “it” may be) for four days. Resist the urge to put it off for later, or to let others’ needs, requests, or demands take priority.

Where is there internal resistance? What helps you overcome it?

What Does “Self-Care” Mean to You?

Working self-care into your routine can “prove” your ability to adopt a new (or change an old) habit. It can also be an opportunity to try something new.

Now is the time to focus first and foremost on keeping ourselves and our loved ones healthy. But as Mary Lou Harris wrote in a recent Sixty and Me blog post, “With some ingenuity and an internet connection, we have the time to indulge in our passion.”

What’s your passion? How can you use this time to learn a new skill, engage in a creative pastime or catch up on something you always wished you had time to do?

Think of ways you can build new (or different) activities into your day. Is there a yoga practice you’ve been wanting to try? A novel you’ve been wanting to read? Think of creative ways to use any “found” time that you’d normally spend on your commute to the office. So many generous people are now offering free online classes to help us put a little self-care and community in place at the same time; consider it a gift you give to yourself to try one.

Self-care doesn’t have to be grand in scale. It could be pouring yourself a cup of your favorite tea every afternoon and giving yourself permission to do nothing but savor it.

Give Yourself Permission to Grieve, Too

Compassion and self-care go hand in hand. Pretending that you’re fine when the world is facing one of its most grueling challenges isn’t doing anyone any favors, including yourself. (Read our related post: 10 Ways to Ease Anxiety During the COVID-19 Crisis.)

Collectively and individually, there’s a lot to grieve right now. Eliciting an incredible loss of control, COVID-19 hit the entire planet with a vengeance. Fast.

People had their jobs one day — and the next, their businesses closed. Some are temporarily unemployed. Some simply lost their jobs. Even those who are fortunate enough to keep their jobs are working from home and/or under company-mandated reduced hours. The option of working an hour or two from a library or café, just for a change of pace and simpler focus, is gone for the moment.

It’s OK to grieve the loss of normalcy. Who could’ve ever imagined wearing gloves and a mask to the grocery store — or having neighborhood playgrounds cordoned off?

If you add them over time, we’re losing control over many things we took for granted.

But when the worst of it is over, there will also be gains. Perhaps you’re already noticing a shift in your values, priorities, or a renewed appreciation for things once taken for granted.

Actually, this is the perfect time to give yourself permission to flex your self-care muscle. You’ll feel like a stronger, more grounded person because of it.

Life and work often overlap, especially during times like this.
Take good care of yourself and those you love.
If we can help, let us know.