Parents: Get Out of the Way

Your child sails through high school and college, chooses the right major and coursework, and launches a successful career upon graduation. It’s a parent’s dream come true …

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way. Actually, it rarely works that way.

When Jeffrey J. Selingo interviewed over 750 young adults between the ages of 24 – 27 for his book, There Is Life After College: What Parents and Students Should Know About Navigating School to Prepare for the Jobs of Tomorrow, he found that two-thirds of these twenty-somethings struggled to launch their careers.

Only one third, which he labeled “sprinters,” either jumped straight into their careers after college or were on track to complete additional education. The other two thirds were evenly divided between “wanderers,” who took their time to start their career, or “stragglers,” who took time off (or went part-time) during college and spend most of their twenties “figuring it out.”

 As a parent, what’s the number one way you can position your child for career success? The answer might surprise you: Get out of the way.

Recognize the Point of Diminishing Return

One of the occupational hazards of parenting is becoming overly invested in your child’s future.

Of course you love your child. Of course you want what’s best for them. But becoming overly involved in their future does them a greater disservice than you might realize.

If you used an imaginary brake pedal on the passenger side of the car as your teen learned to drive, allowing your child to chart their own future might conjure similar feelings. There’s a lot of trust involved when they take the wheel.

Your years of experience lend you wisdom. You see things they don’t. You recognize red flags they won’t. But you can’t do it for them. Not when it comes to driving a car — or launching their career.

Helicopter and snowplow parents want the best for their kids. But hovering and removing obstacles for them doesn’t teach them valuable, important life/career skills. It can also breed resentment or rebellion as they attempt to forge their own identities.

Get out of the way.

In the wise words of street graffiti artist Banksy, “A lot of parents will do anything for their kids except let them be themselves.”

Letting your child be themselves involves stepping aside as they make their own career-related decisions. It’s both tricky and critical. The key is to find balance between guiding your child and letting them find their own way as they chart their professional course.

As your teen-turned-twenty-something continues to individuate, they’ll learn to recognize and honor their own unique interests, values and natural abilities. Some will overlap yours, while others will seem foreign. But figuring out how those pieces fit together is part of becoming an adult — and successfully launching a career.

Carefully Navigate Emotional Boundaries

Parent-child relationships can be emotional landmines. Say the wrong thing, you run the risk of triggering an emotional outburst — especially if your child is feeling insecure, nervous or frustrated about launching their career.

Kids — even the ones that may seem oblivious — have incredible emotional radar, especially when it comes to their parents. That radar will allow them to sense your disapproval if you’re not a fan of their career-related choices. They’ll also pick up on your anxiety if you feel their job search isn’t progressing quickly enough, which will only exacerbate their own misgivings.

Get out of the way.

If you have your own stake in or ideas about your child’s career-related decisions, tread lightly. Be intentional about not projecting your fears or insecurities onto them. Welcome open conversations with your child and listen to their ideas, hopes and dreams. Offer emotional support without forcing your own agenda.

Admit You’re Not the Expert (Sorry …)

Unfortunately, when it comes to job-search advice, parents usually mean well. But they don’t always know best.

Even if you’re the exception, young adults tend to take their parents’ advice with a grain of age-appropriate skepticism. If career-related strategies were offered as a blind taste test, most kids would graciously accept them from almost anyone else (peers included) versus a parent.

Related: Job Search Advice for 2020 Grads

One of our young adult clients struggling in his job search came to us exhausted and frustrated. In a well-intentioned attempt to increase his chances of being called in for an interview — any interview at any company — his mother told him that he was to send out 10 resumes a day. Every day.

But it wasn’t working. In fact, that strategy was working against him.

We recommended that he do an experiment and not send any resumes out for a full week. Instead, we suggested that he reach out to professionals in his field of interest. Instead of sending resumes for that one week, we advised him to spend his time and energy networking, researching and conducting informational interviews. One of his new connections introduced him to a volunteer coordinator for a national non-profit organization, where he became director of fundraising within months.

Get out of the way.

Your emotional (and, often, financial) investment in your child’s future doesn’t render you a career wizard, job-search expert or professional resume writer. One of the best things you can do for your child is to help them find a trusted, knowledgeable and neutral professional to recommend career-exploration and job-search strategies tailored to their unique circumstances.

Career coaches are in the business of helping people of all ages, including graduates, in a way that will build on their strengths, abilities, skills and interests. Their recommendations are objective, based on current industry best practices and proven strategies.

Get Out of the Way

 Knowing when to ask for help from an expert — whether for yourself or someone you love — is a sign of strength. When you connect your child with a mentor, coach or other trusted advisor, you put aside your ego to act in their best interests.

It doesn’t mean abandoning them. It doesn’t mean that you care any less. Quite the opposite! Because you care, you’re willing to do whatever it takes to position your child for success. Including getting out of their way.

Nobody aspires to be a job seeker.

We’re here to make the process manageable, and whenever possible, fun, too.

Learn more about our Career Coaching services.